Ache

Where did this ache come from?

How long have I carried it

in my body? I have made it my friend,

and given it  a home. Made a bed

so it could sleep in until noon, a healthy

breakfast (or brunch) ready for it

before heading out to face the day.

Late at night I bring it back to bed,

wrap myself around it or let it wrap

itself around me, blanketed either way.

The ache is not a longing. It is not

a lack that desire worms its way into.

I have no name I might attach to it.

There are no flowers I can offer it

to draw it to me, no gifts to soften

the way it takes holds of me, no words—

I have only this one assignment:

What I will allow to make me a home.

ghosts

fresh regret

emerges unbidden

empty dream

grasping hands

the instant

transport

unwrapped

reverie

*

everything air

ghosted host

i lost my way

stumbled phrases

the old music

unpractised

*

an audience

gathers

i’m not

ready yet

promises, promises

you came and cast fire on the earth.

you came and were distressed.

you divided households.

you divide three against two,

and two against three.

you divide father against son,

and son against father.

you divide mother against daughter,

and daughter against mother.

you did not come to bring peace.

you brought a sword.

you came and set men against their fathers,

and daughters against mothers.

you said our enemies would be

members of our own households.

i must love you

more than father or mother,

more than son or daughter.

i must carry my cross

or else be unworthy.

so demanding. and yet

for you i will lose my life.

for you i will gain it.

the room

you will always be

the most beautiful

person in the room

light headed

every word spoken

caught breath

pounded heart

tightened gestures

the eye drawn

memory veil

*

this dance

carries us

through the day

and sometimes

the night

Weight

It is the weight

of the moment

I fear. The wait

of everything suspended

in the air, the breath

caught, the body

tense. Intention

is no replacement

for a well-executed plan.

Make ready your hands,

prepare yourself

for all that heavy lifting,

heart breaking

labour, back

breaking doubt,

the two-fisted reach—

the question of who

you are, the pressure

of your skin.