rings and arrows

She told me God said

I must marry her,

or he would end it.

I had already purchased the rings.

I wondered if there was a choice.

Sometimes is it good to be alone.

dream 1

we are running (together) from a crowd

they are chasing us and throwing stones at us

we enter a forest and dodge rocks and trees

I look ahead and see an archer, who

aims at me and lets the arrow loose

it (barely) misses me

I hear its zwip as it flies past my ear

I wake up

dream 2

we are running (together) from a crowd

they are chasing us and throwing stones at us

we enter a forest and dodge rocks and trees

I look ahead and see an archer, who

aims at me and lets the arrow loose

it does not miss

I feel its thud as it enters my ribcage,

pierces my heart

I wake up

The book said the priest shall take a wife in her virginity.

She was no virgin.

That hadn’t mattered before.

I’m not sure it matters now.

the weeping

Today, in the shower,
nursing my migraine,
as the hot water hit my neck,
I began weeping.
Weeping.

Years ago, after 3 accidents in 2 months,
I was getting a message and,
as the masseuse broke up the fascia,
I began weeping,
my body wracked with sobs
as she pressed out pockets of flesh
where I had stored fear.

Now, I sit in the dark
and close my eyes.
Lean my head back
and strain to hear your voice.
It has become so small.

this is how

we gather in a circle
join hands
i’m going to pray now
i will pray in tongues
the language of heaven
bathe you in confusion
until something bubbles up
and i find the words

i would burn the incense
i would anoint the altar
i would sacrifice the lamb
but you would not understand
why i won’t let go
even now
i recite the words
half-believing them