forgiveness

I

it was not at all
what I expected. nothing
really changed.
not then.

later, however –
later it was all
 
different. later,
there was recognition
of loss. the violence
of assumption
lost. something
we both took
from each other.

yours was the better bargain.


II

at that moment
all i felt was surprise.
that you didn’t stop
wouldn’t stop
when I asked, stop

i carried all that
unspoken
for years,
the weight
of that exchange
growing larger.
then forgotten.
or ignored.


III

i recognize the weight
of chains, what burdens
i carried forward.

i remember how sharp
the hook, how deeply
buried, sweetly disbursed.

this is how we share
and in this sharing
i carry it away.

all that waiting.

circling

ah, cavafy.
i must admit
to not liking you
too much --
all those feelings,
all that feeling
about feeling,
all that broad stroke talk
about Beauty.

beauty you say, and

i hear desire. no.
not desire: appetite. 

oh, cavafy.

such a consuming eye –
roving over all that young flesh;
the architecture of longing,
your Platonic lust,
the dust of loss covers
the furniture, the room
empty, the windows empty,
the cupboards bare.

no wonder this dance

tired you, the image
of an ideal lover looming
in your imagination,
held perfectly still
by memory,
pored over,
your heart
poured out
with nothing
to hold it.

untitled

wind

that magpie

chirp of squirrel

leaves rustling

my thoughts

tossed

wrestling

this quiet moment

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