#NaPoWriMo 2024 day thirty

1.    it’s third winter
      not so unusual
      despite our failing memory
 
2.     are we a mystery
      or a confusion?
 
3.     let them know the weight of you
      (i miss the weight of you)
 
4.     the days go by
      tickticktock
      and still all this
      desire
 
5.     (shhhh…)
 
6.     do you bear good fruit?
      i want to bear good fruit.
      and multiply.
 
7.     the tongue is a useful thing.
      some more than others.
 
8.     let us make raids on the articulate.
      choose which sounds
      require more attention.
      all the -ings.
 
9.     I HATE WALLS
      I LOVE WELLS
      I HAVE/ WILL
 
10.  what things do you only do at night?
      why or why not?
 
11.  “with my body
      i thee worship”
 
12.  wrangling words
      is dangerous work
 
13.  have i
      told you
      how much
      i love you
      poetry?
 
14.  can poetry
      be a form
      of justice?
      let us demand
      the right use
      of language
 
15.  shhhh…
 
16.  i’m not the same man
      i was before.
      truly. i have witnesses.
 
17.  I estimate I have owned twenty thousand books over my lifetime.
      I probably have four thousand books in my basement right now.
      I burned several thousand books in a bonfire one night in a park.
 
18.  I’d say at least 40.
 
19.  (What’s the story?)
      Because there’s always a reason.
      The pathways grow slowly, then
      wildly or manicured.
      Like gardens. Or myths.
 
20.  See with what
      Large letters
      I have written to you
      With my own hand!
 
21.  (are) all poems are about loss?
 
22.  (are) all poems are an essay on longing?
 
23.  (are) all poems are a seduction?
 
24.  shhhh…
 
25.  it’s a delicate surgery,
      this picking at words:
      finding the fragments;
      binding them up.
      a gift. or a weapon.
 
26.  poetry gives you wings?
      but you get to choose?
      whether to fly?
      and how high?
 
27.  The endings of things
      are very important.
      Because seeds.
 
28.  i made this for you
 
29.  are we a mystery
      or a confusion?
 
30.  maybe the Last Supper
      was the first supper.
 

#NaPoWriMo 2024 day twentynine

 

#NaPoWriMo 204 day twentyeight

 

#NaPoWriMo day twentyseven redux

 this is how i actually wanted yesterday's poem:

#NaPoWriMo 2024 day twentyseven

i try not to always think of endings.

let the minutes go by one by one by one.

each day has enough of its own troubles.

there is so much still left to do.

the list just keeps getting longer.

there will never be enough time.

there are so many books still to read.

what are we building with all these words?

is there still the possibility of understanding?

there have been too few moments of silence.

i have to remember to sometimes just stop.

try to note each day as a small beginning.

plant a seed and trust it to grow.

there is so much more of the implied threat.

 

we make plans and wait for the perfect moment.

 

we navigate accidents and surprises.

 

i meant everything i promised.

 

the days keep getting shorter.

 

i still hope that heaven is a real place.

 

in my dreams heaven is full of books.

 

we clothe ourselves with words.

 

we keep digging and digging and digging.

 

we build monuments to monuments.

 

no one remembers when it all began.

 

let us apologize for all our mistakes.

 

i promise you: my intentions were good.

#NaPoWriMo 2024 day twentysix

 

#NaPoWriMo 2024 day twentyfive

Bone breaking thick in the midst of the spin and thrust. Clipped wings and the drill sings. Tickled pricking skin punctured and stifled sensation. Thick rubbery thud of meat falling into empty spaces. The sleepy grasping. Foreign object. Disconnected tissue thinned out by needles and need. Pinned against the future. Shaped by necessity. The odd process. So useless. Such a strange thing this dangling appendage wrapped and bandaged. Weighing out the body’s damage.

#NaPoWriMo 2024 day twentyfour

the constant                                   some victories                                count
struggle, or                                    are not victorious,                          the losses
prepare yourself                            nor glorious
 
 
 
when                                             that thing                                        slaves to wonder
it is over                                        we're building:
                                                      fortress, 

                                                      home, idol?
 
 
please,                                           the re-                                             shhh.

sit.                                                 enchantment                                   the end.

    of the world,

    or our bed

#NaPoWriMo 2024 day twentythree

i was told to
feel it all
but i don’t think
i want to—
it seems like work.
 
do you even
feel at all?
she said to me.
i was too high
to think about
how i feel
i could only
think of her
body next to
my body—
which is
not the same.
 
i was asked
how many ways
are there
to feel awe:
you fall in love,
you climb a mountain,
you find God,
a child is born,
you embrace
the new day;
help me
to stop forgetting.

#NaPoWriMo 2024 day twentytwo

What do you say after five years?
What do you say after ten?

Do you even bother?
How do you decide?

Do you bury the past?
Do you interrogate the reasons?

Do you discuss the weather?
Share the new music?
Accept the small talk?

Do you embrace the awkwardness?
Do you require closure?

Do you have the time to try again?
Is there time enough?

What are your demands?
What are mine?

#NaPoWriMo 2024 day twentyone

You act as if everything is okay
And everything is not okay
We had the necessary conversations
And you left the house for three days
When you come home you are silent
You head straight upstairs
And close the door to your room
This is how you turn the ones you love
Into intruders or strangers
This is how you tell them
You cannot ask the questions
The myth of youth is that actions
Don’t have consequences
That the insistence on freedoms
Bears no responsibilities
 
I’ve never thought I was perfect
But I never thought I failed this much
There are so many regrets
My nights are full of them
But we cannot live there
I gather all my fears
And wonder how to invite you
To come and join me at the table
There is always room for you
My beautiful boy

#NaPoWriMo day 2024

NOTHING TO SEE HEAR
TO HEAR NOTHING SEE
SEE TO NOTHING HEAR
HEAR SEE TO NOTHING
NOTHING TO HEAR SEE
TO HEAR SEE NOTHING
SEE NOTHING TO HEAR
HEAR TO SEE NOTHING
NOTHING SEE TO HEAR
TO SEE NOTHING HEAR
SEE HEAR TO NOTHING
HEAR TO NOTHING SEE
NOTHING HEAR TO SEE
TO NOTHING SEE HEAR
SEE TO HEAR NOTHING
HEAR NOTHING TO SEE

#NaPoWriMo 2024 day nineteen

Aργος Πανόπτης
 
All those eyes
always watching
and still you failed
to protect her
 
Turned into a heifer
by jealous Hera
or horny Zeus
 
The perfect guardian
Yet Hermes lulled you
with songs and stories

Now you sleep forever
 
That your eyes
were given to the peacock
is small comfort
 
Your vigilance a performance
 
At every ostentation or muster
your shame is manifest

#NaPoWriMo 2024 day eighteen

the body betrays itself
in many different ways

because of desire

or in spite of it

because of memory
or vain imaginations

because of youth

or because we age

through distraction
or too much attention

through much effort

or the lack thereof

through many questions
or the wrong answers

we learn to negotiate

the differences

we find ways to justify
the decisions made for us

the body is a great mystery

discover new ways to open it

#NaPoWriMo 2024 day seventeen

Not every book is precious.
Not every book is helpful.
Not every book is a doorway.
Not every book is an anchor.
Not every book is a gift.
Not every book is an answer.
Not every book is necessary.
Not every book is a window.
Not every book is useful.
Not every book is yours.

#NaPoWriMo 2024 day sixteen

the character and pursuits
of the famous gentleman
--the name I desire--
(one of those gentlemen
that keep a lance
in the lance-rack,
an old buckler,
a lean hack,
a greyhound for coursing)
 
he made a brave figure
 
the age of this gentleman
was bordering on fifty;
he was of a hardy habit,
spare, gaunt-featured,
a very early riser and
a great sportsman
 
there is some difference of opinion
among the authors
(the subject)
 
from reasonable conjectures
it seems plain
he was called
 
this is of little importance to our tale;
it will be enough not to stray
from the truth
in the telling of it.

#NaPoWriMo 2024 day fifteen

Over a century ago the passenger pigeon was probably the most numerous bird in all the world; today it is extinct.

Incredible as it seems, it may have outnumbered all other birds in the United States combined—hundreds of species.

One authority, summing up the evidence, believes that in Audubon’s day there were nearly five billion passenger pigeons in the states of Kentucky, Ohio and Indiana alone!

From Newfoundland to Florida, early writers told of immense hordes.

The great columns in flight, extending for hundreds of miles, blotted out the sun and took as much as three days to pass.

Alexander Wilson, sometimes called the father of American ornithology, estimated a flock in Kentucky to contain 2,230,272,000 birds.

He considered this far below their actual numbers.

He reckoned that if each bird ate a half pint of acorns a day, their daily food consumption would be 17,424,000 bushels!

Similarly, Audubon estimated a flock near Louisville at 1,115,136,000 birds.

Accounts of the great roosts read like the tales of a romancer.

Trees broke under the weight of the pigeons; thousands of armed men slaughtered day and night and shipped countless barrels to the big cities where they rotted on the sidewalks for want of buyers.

The last immense nesting took place in Michigan in 1878.

During the next thirty years the remaining flocks dwindled until they were gone.

The last passenger pigeon in the world expired at the Cincinnati Zoo at 1:00 p.m. Central Standard Time, September 1, 1914.
 
it is difficult to imagine that
once the sky was so full that
now the sky is so empty
 
trees breaking under the weight
of all those hollowed bones
murmuring 

#NaPoWriMo 2024 day fourteen

#NaPoWriMo 2024 day thirteen

I
It was always looming in the background,
An unmoving thing
Anchored in my mind’s eye.

II
Base, face, peak—
In the stillness of the mountain
I prepared.

III
The mountain shifted over centuries.
There were so many stories.

IV
A man and a mountain
Can become one.
A woman and a mountain
Can become one.

V
There are choices:
The beauty of shelter
Or the beauty of exposure,
The wind whistling over the mountain
Or through the valley.

VI
Wind howled through the doorway,
Windows rattled.
The shadow of the mountain
Crossed over the threshold.
The light
Swallowed by shadow
Left traces of heat.

VII
O Travellers,
Why do you imagine all you need is time?
Do you not fear the mountain,
How it breaks the feet
Of all those who come to it?

VIII
I know noble ascents
And unanticipated retreats;
But I know, too,
The mountain has secrets
It will not share.

IX
When the mountain is out of sight
Its presence still sets itself
At the edge of your path.

X
At the sight of the mountain
In the half-light,
Even the bravest explorers
Grow faint.

XI
He crossed the Rockies
Under his own power.
Once, he feared
He mistook the shadows
He carried with him
For the weight of the mountains.

XII
The mountain never stops moving.
The mountain is an anchor.

XIII
The wind will always change.
Light would come
And light would go.
The mountain waited.
It would always wait.

#NaPoWriMo 2024 day twelve

there’s a pressure                             i didn’t notice
anchored
                                 at the skull’s base
 
we spend                                          too much time
bowed low
                                 we forget         to stretch
                                                         time tightens
                             
                                 and ties itself
to us, tests us
                                 we forget how
                                                         to breathe
 
                                 we walk around
in tiny circles
                                                         we hope
                                                         there is an answer
 
but we are stiff-necked                    easily distracted
                                                         voices to the left          
 
voices to the right
 
                                                         perhaps it is time
                                 keep moving
                                                             
                                                         measure the distance 

#NaPoWriMo 2024 day eleven

And then we gathered with music.
Secrets were exchanged.
We had waited so long.
Why had we waited so long ?
In the midst of all our passion,
we feast.
 
We dig our way down into the flesh.
Grind against each other
until we find our bones breaking
against our desire.
 
We gathered with grief.
Promises were made.
We could wait generations.
How long could we wait,
weighed down by history?
We weep.
 
Wash away every lying thing
curled up in the folds of our skin
until we are raw with longing.
Prisoners of hope.

#NaPoWriMo 2024 day ten

so strange, this flocking to the absence of light
the strangeness – this seeking the presence of night
strangely, this revelation: the paucity of sight
strange; this fading delight

#NaPoWriMo 2024 day nine

S T O R M                          S W O R D                        S W A R M

W A R N S                         W O R D S                         W A R N S

S W O R D                         S W A R M                        S T O R M

W O R D S                         W A R N S                         W O R D S

S W A R M                         S T O R M                         S W O R D

 

 

 

S W O R D                        S W A R M                         S T O R M

W O R D S                        W A R N S                         W O R D S

S T O R M                         S W O R D                        S W A R M

W A R N S                         W O R D S                        W A R N S

S W A R M                        S T O R M                         S W O R D

 

 

 

S W A R M                        S T O R M                         S W O R D

W O R D S                        W A R N S                         W A R N S

S W O R D                        S W A R M                         S T O R M

W A R N S                        W O R D S                         W O R D S

S T O R M                         S W O R D                         S W A R M

 

 

 

S T O R M                          S W O R D                        S W A R M

W O R D S                         W A R N S                         W O R D S

S W O R D                         S W A R M                        S T O R M

W A R N S                         W O R D S                         W A R N S

S W A R M                         S T O R M                         S W O R D

#NaPoWriMo 2024 day eight

the argument was

all words are made up

we still insist on meaning
we cobble together an understanding

to help us move forward
or simply to move

we name the beauty we seek
or the dream we lost

we sound the depths
what hides beneath the words

i tell you the truth
i’ve been as honest as possible

the deep things of loss
or hope or fear or joy

there are statements and
then there are agreements

i don’t think that means
what you think that means

#NaPoWriMo 2024 day seven

the tongue is a fire
though a small thing
among the body’s parts
yet it sets on fire 
the course of our life

beasts and birds
reptiles and creatures of the sea
are tamed and have been tamed
but no one can tame the tongue

the tongue can be a restless evil
the tongue can be full of deadly poison
with it we bless 
with it we curse 
people made in the image of God

from the same mouth 
both blessing and cursing
brothers and sisters

these things should not be so 

#NaPoWriMo 2024 day six

Be careful when you dig
Where you start to dig
Be careful around the roots
As you dig around the roots
You must remove the entire weed
To avoid the propagation of weeds
To ensure the formation of fruit
The timely propagation of seed
How to measure the elements
Water in the proper amounts
How long to expose to the light
What stays hidden from the light
This delicate task of gardening
The heart and soul, the garden

#NaPoWriMo 2024 day five

back and forth all the silences
are gathered into pockets
 
the days fold in on themselves
and suddenly there’s no time
 
we find ourselves looking at the sky
 
and suddenly there’s no time
the days fold in on themselves
 
are gathered into pockets
back and forth all the silences

#NaPoWriMo 2024 - day four

idreammyself
uncurlinguntold
yearsofslumber

rehearsingregret
likeaheartbeaten
withtoomuchloss

we’vewaitedtoolong
toabandonthejourney
ofunsaddlingshame

everymomentunspooling
ametronomemarkingtime
inthedeepcurrentsofnight

thissilencegivesbirthtowords
whichmayormaynotbearfruit
butremainnonethelesstrue

ifonlymyfearcouldrestinyou
oryoucouldtakejoyinitshearing
usbindingtogetherinthisthinair

allthisstretching
towardourhoped
forredemption

#NaPoWriMo 2024 - day three

I first encountered your torqued ellipses
on an overcast autumn day in Seoul

Giant slabs of corroded steel slowly twisting
through a giant empty warehouse space

Walking between them everything shifted
or I shifted or I became aware of shifting

bodies moving through space, light
folding over the tops drifting down into corridors

Sound moving away from me and yet also amplified
as I walked and touched these metal skins

A slight vertigo that lessened
when I focussed on my footsteps, breathing

I found myself more anchored in my body
discovered a comfort in my own weight

found myself later testing that body against
what imposes fragility, or wakens awe.

#NaPoWriMo 2024 - day two

here is a puzzle
                                    the melody of your body
the most important thing
                                    under my skin
becomes the problem
                                    how to solve mysteries
what you take hold of
                                    beyond the words
takes hold of you
                                    requires another language
in motion or at rest
                                    a different kind of power
in sickness or in health
                                    a surrender
late at night naked in bed
                                    abandonment
or bathing in sunlight
                                    a veil
sitting quiet with the birds
                                    our hands
their thin bones
                                    hollowed
a singular beauty
                                    conducting us home

#NaPoWriMo 2024 - day one

they told me to start with the weather
but it was too beautiful outside
 
the house cool and quiet
 
so i spent the day slumbering
on the sectional
 
it’s Easter Monday and it’s April Fool’s
and all i can think about is
 
how to get up on my feet again
and drink enough water
 
the awkwardness of being
a burden to others
 
the shame of being sick
the betrayal of my body
 
all the seasons are changing
 
i just want to enjoy the wind
and the sun on my skin
 
fill my lungs
with you again and again